Clouds Place

Go Here

2005-08-08T03:43:00.000+02:00

Im blogging here now, Im not sure if its permanent or not but I find it more convienient.

The One in Between

2005-07-18T18:15:00.000+02:00

...The Old posts and the ones to come. Sorry I just wanted to insert a "spacer post" seeing as how I haven't blogged in a long time. I need to catch up on my net life alot ... hope my pen pals haven't forgetten me =S ... If your reading this ..uhh .. mail me?

Later (I promise heh)
Neil

A Dream of Stars

2005-06-10T01:25:00.000+02:00

Recently, my dad seems to have discovered what a great source of cheap labour his son is and has thrown me head first into the life of a hard working class man. I've been spending the mornings and afternoons of the past couple of weeks working with the workers at my dad's new house. Carrying up bags of cement, tiles and other stuff that weighs almost as much as I do to the 2nd floor, Shovelling dirt, cleaning floors and moving machines for hours. Raking and piling stones, burning weeds and generally sweating blood for a few hours a day.

What a great experience.

Really. Its hard to describe but after my days work is done I begin to see my fathers dream unfold before my eyes. We've all had it quite rough since my mother left, especially my father since his idea of building a home for his family came to a complete standstill for awhile. But now everything seems to be rolling once again and my sister, my father and I are working closer and harder to make it happen. I see this as one my greatest lessons so far, if not only because I'm slowly learning what it takes to accomplish something like this (and hopefully one day will do so myself).

Tonight I finally laid down in my drive way and stargazed for a good 40mins. I realized that that peace and inner quiet one finds when doing so is still there. I was unconciously scared I might not have found it ...maybe thats why I have been putting it off for so long.

Later

The Better Times ...I Think...

2005-05-27T01:54:00.000+02:00

Well, the exams are over (Don't think I've seen the last of maths but I'll worry abt that when the time comes). I almost feel as If I should have prepared a blog entry in advance for this (No, i dont normally do that). Though somehow ...it doesn't really feel like summer at all. I feel a change. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing this summer. I don't know If I'm going to work yet, actually I dont know if I WANT to work yet and the decsion time for that is closing fast.
I've litarelly spent from monday to today writing different programs and desiging my first website (no link yet...Im too ashamed of it for now) thereby effectivly cutting myself off from the social world. You'd think that after a couple of months studying and exams I'd be foaming at the mouth from lack of it. But I'm not. This is all quite strange to me, I couldn't spend a weekend away from all my friends but now I'm just content with myself and my two close friends. I'm content.

I can't remember the last time I used that word for myself.

Useless Grief

2005-05-16T21:48:00.000+02:00

Due to some lame $$% $#%^ #$%^ I had to change the commenting on the blog to registered users. Might I suggest to Blogger some form of anti-spam in the comments section or at least the ability to mass delete comments ... >=/

Left to Blog...(and) The Art of Blogging

2005-05-13T02:22:00.000+02:00

Think I'm just going to accept these late night\early morning periods of no sleep and use them to blog more often.

Heres my take on blogs:
One of my goals is to be a better blogger. But what is a better blogger? Somone that attracts more people to his blog or has a loyal following is the first thing that jumps to my mind. Much like a better author would entail that the author is widely known. But blogging is not about writing stories. Its about expressing oneself, like poetry and music. We are all artists painting\sculpting\singing our lives out onto this digital pad. People do not view our posts because they are interested in how you walked up the stairs, turned a corridor, went straight through the hall, sat on a couch and decided stairs are annoying. They're interested in how you ex(painted)pr(scultpted)ess(sang)ed it, because expression contains meaning.

Heres my artwork, could you show me yours?

Procrastination ...It will bring you down

2005-05-11T16:21:00.000+02:00

Ever since my maths exam my studying has dropped. I think its just the demoralization taking effect. Only last night I played a computer game with my friends online and tomorrow I have my Computer Studies exam! Sigh.
Luckily, today I discovered www.43things.com thanks to Lena and proceded to make a list of some of my goals, some are far off but rely on decisions and action I take now, others are near and others can't really be achieved until I'm dead(such as 'Live Passionately'), but serve as a reminder of how I want to live my life.

The Bdw: My black diary is still empty, staring at me with black eyes from behind my printer...

Later

Ravaged

2005-05-10T16:24:00.000+02:00

After holding my fans in suspense (cos I have fans...) for the past couple of days, I decided to post. I failed that exam like a moth fails to recognize the difference between a bulb and a bonfire. I will be re-sitting that exam again this september though and hopefully the little moth in my analogy will be wearing a tailor made fire-proof suit.
As you can tell by my degraded writing, I am quite distraught., not to mention demoralized.

I don't have much to say the mo` It just seemed as though I should continue my last post with the outcome.

Also, you might have noticed by the time of this post that I can sleep again.

Later

On The Eve...

2005-05-07T03:40:00.000+02:00

Well, Here I am again, 3.17am and I can't even imagine sleeping when I look at my bed. I've given up on panicking but I'm still quite nervous and also cigarete-less at the moment. Thought I'd take this time to write.

This week, I bought a black hard cover book diary. Well I think its supposed to be used as a diary of some sorts but all the pages are unmarked. Like a copy book except with a black hard cover. Anyways, I have absolutly no idea why I bought it. I just picked it up while at a store for what at the time was absolutly no reason at all. I figured I'd find out what I want it for later. Its been about 3 days since I bought it and not only have I not found out why I bought it, but it also has no place in my room so I just keep moving it from one place to another when its in the way. As much as it makes sense to think that this book has no purpose I can't let go of the idea that It does. Deep down I know I bought it to fill it up with something but I just don't know what.

After re-reading that paragraph I can understand people who will never take me seriously again when I say "I have a problem" heh...

I think, I know what it is though...I think that I bought the Diary because I feel my life needs organization and stabilty and to me a person with a diary represents that. Oh well, If it is that then at least I know I am unconciously trying to be so and my problems are not really limited to buying things on a whim ... =P

Later

Studying Blues

2005-05-06T01:48:00.000+02:00

Blogging has taken a backseat in my life at the moment. With my math exam comin up this saturday I'm sure everyone who's ever even taken a single class of it would understand. I don't think I've ever dreaded an exam this much. The begining of this week saw my confidence levels take a sucidal dive into oblivion as every day draws me closer. I can picture the look on the invigilators face as I run screaming from the classroom as soon as I find my desk. My time this week has been divided into revising math and playing guitar to relive the stress, except that everytime I pick up my guitar I hear a little voice screaming at me in my head to stop procrastinating.

Its terrible, I can't sleep anymore, not anytime before 4am anyway and that little voice always manages to get me up by 10am whatever time I do sleep. At this point I just want it to be over...

My social life is so far gone that I'm wondering If I'll ever get it back.
...Still, I guess the good thing about life is that its never over until its over.

2005-04-24T21:49:00.000+02:00

Elaine, Me and Lyndsay

2005-04-24T00:42:00.000+02:00

Emma's 18th which was themed 'Hippie'(Me and Dilyana) ...Man, wish I grew up in those times...when love and peace were in fashion and real music started out.

2005-04-06T19:03:00.000+02:00

See: Official Firefox address in address bar; Google Search button displaying ..err.. modified text.

Malta finally catchs on with the Net

2005-04-06T00:07:00.000+02:00

Tonight, I opened my Firefox browser to see a rather funny but also disturbing sight(See Image Above). Note what the search button says. For those non-maltese speakers the button displays a vulgar sentence which literally translated means (close your eyes kids) "Dick in a Jar/Can".

RIP Pope John Paul

2005-04-05T13:34:00.000+02:00

I'm not a very religous person, I don't attend mass every sunday and I don't pray very often either. I'm not paying my respects to the church here, Im paying my respects to a great man. One who brought about the fall of communism and strived for peace all over the world despite his ever growing sickness'. The Italian tradition is to applaud the death of a Pope. For a man who has done so well and so much good with his position, I feel a good appluase is in order.
Now...for some change...I know it may sound cruel with respect to Pope John Paul but I can't help but feel slightly excited about what changes the new Pope might bring about, If any. I'm pretty sure there will be though. Pope John Paul stood firmly by some of the Churchs most restricting doctrines. Such as Celibacy for priests, use of contraceptions etc, Hopefully, these age old doctrines will change as times and technology have.
And looks like were moving in that direction already.

Later

2005-03-29T12:53:00.000+02:00

Group 2

2005-03-29T12:52:00.001+02:00

Emily, Rupert and my Dad

2005-03-29T12:52:00.000+02:00

My sisters crowd

2005-03-29T12:51:00.001+02:00

Kriti, Kim, Olga and Joe

2005-03-29T12:51:00.000+02:00

Ian, Me, Leah and Ally

2005-03-29T12:50:00.001+02:00

Ally, Me and Leah

2005-03-29T12:50:00.000+02:00

Tasha Me and Fran

2005-03-29T12:49:00.000+02:00

School Group(From Left): Matt, Emma, Nicola, Karina, Chirara and Dilyana.

What is it and Why?

2005-03-13T16:54:00.000+01:00

What is the most noticeable object in your room (To you I mean, one of sentinmental value, I'm not tokin abt that playboy pin up on ur door)? and why? Its probably attached to some memory. Do you still keep it even if its a bad one? Why keep it if its a good one? To remind you of good times you've had? Doesnt every photo or every memory keep you there? in that time? How are you supposed to live in the present and move into the future if your still somewhere in the past?

Update ...but not really

2005-03-07T17:39:00.001+01:00

Just wanted to post to let everyone know im still alive and say that I probably own't be posting for awhile due to exams. Also, I just got back my ADSL after 10 days without it. Doesn't everyone wish they had a PDA? They're just so cool... plus they're minicomputers ...wht more could you want then a computer in your pocket? Its a real pity wireless internet here in Malta is almost non exsistent, save for a few hotel lobbys, airport and...Baystreet but even the coverage of that is limited to the Go mobile shop. Can't wait for more telecommunications and internet service providers to establish themselves here.

Later

2005-03-07T17:39:00.000+01:00

MSN Spaces

2005-02-22T01:21:00.000+01:00

I discovered MSN Spaces today and I feel its worth blogging about. Basically, MSN Spaces allows a Passport wielding user to have thier own personal webspace. Featuring a very useful, attractive and highly interactive interface(if your using IE 5.0 + More on that later) which allows Blogging, picture hosting(10MB storage in case your wondering), Customizable lists, Music lists that can be rated by other users and easy MSN Profile viewing. Although I have not yet tried the beta version of MSN Messenger 7 yet, I have heard about integration features between MSN spaces and Messenger will most likely be implemented (Dont quote me on that though).
Using the same marketing technique that always tend to piss off other internet services and web broswer companies (IE: linking one product to another, its really quite a vicous circle when you keep in mind that Microsofts OS' are the most widely used in the world) MSN spaces could really give our beloved Blogger.com a run for its money if the new MSN messenger will have the integration feature I mentioned earlier.
Firefox users who will want to use MSN Spaces will also find it more convi using Internet Explorer. I myself haven't touched IE since Firefox was still in its beta stages ...Until today. Unfortunately I haven't had time to really research all the pros and cons, Ill update later if necessary.

Staying In With my Academic Life

2005-02-11T21:37:00.000+01:00

I used to hate staying in on the weekends. I hated that lonely, left behind kind of feeling when you know all your friends are out and you’re at home. Its enough to make you wanna go out even If you absolutely KNOW your not going to have any fun whatsoever (well this is how I used to feel anyway). But luckily I seem to be getting over that and in fact I’m in right now (Oh yeah it’s completely off my mind as I write this post about it...)

My friend came back from England today (he goes to college there) and so tomorrow we'll be celebrating his return as we normally do. I really can't wait for this as I haven’t partied in ages and I'm determined to have fun =| (sheer desperation calls for it).

Today my philosophy teacher changed my view on academic life. Before, I used to look at it like this. You study and you'll probably pass, you don't and you'll most likely fail. This is the view that was impressed on me by all my former teachers in my former school, even by my family ...but this was fatally flawed because there was a part of me inside that restrained me from studying. This is because I am terrified of trying and failing. I am terrified of finding out that even If I tried I still wouldn't make it. Therefore, I never really tried, I never really studied and so when I failed I was safe in the knowledge that it was because I didn’t try. But here I am in my 2nd year of college, after practically never trying all my life. Call it luck, it doesn't really matter, or maybe it says something about the system that I was so used to?
But today, as we were reading (what has now become somewhat of a milestone of a book in my life) Ethics of Authenticity (By Charles Taylor), my teacher described studying as not just a hurdle in the life of one who wants to go with the flow (Go to school, study, go to college, study, go to University, study, get a job and then work just to fit in with the crowd you were born into and meet the expectations defined largely by your parents). But as a part of one's life. You're studying because these are your interests, your motivations and all the things that define yourself as you, your identity. Even If the system I described earlier was really the reason why I was in school I would have probably died of depression long ago. I can view school now without the (what was) granted thoughts (Oh shit ...school = waking up at 7am and going to lectures I don't give a shit about) and see it more as a part of my life that I have chosen not because I want to fit in or because it's the ideal way to go, but because It is part of my identity to be an academic person.

I hope I have been clear throughout as I tend to confuse some thoughts sometimes and as this is such a big deal to me I want to make sure that I at least explained it clearly. So any comments or even discussions, just post =)

Later

Acknowledged

2005-01-31T11:16:00.000+01:00

Well, I just recieved an email from the About Malta website informing me that they kindly put up a link to my blog which came as quite a surprise cos I can't remember submitting the link (don't put it past me thou). Since I now have reason too (pang of shame and guilt), I will soon be putting up a Links section.

On the other hand, I am very, very sick. No, thats not really an excuse as to why I haven't been updating my blog, I just haven't found much to say this past week. But since I've been visited by 8 people in the time it took me to write these two paragraphs I guess I better look for some words....fast..

Sooo, The news has always been a great conversation starter (albeit this is not exactly two sided) but lets start with that. (http://news.google.com.mt/nwshp?hl=en&gl=mt)

Top stories... "Iraq militant group says they downed plane" ..how surprising ..Sigh Im just gonna skip the news that reports death.. That cuts my reading time down to abt half.

Washington - The US occupation authority in Iraq was unable to keep track of nearly $9bn it transferred to government ministries, which lacked financial controls, security, communications and adequate staff, an inspector general has found.

...www.costofwar.com

BEIJING, Jan. 31 -- "Blaster" worm creator was sentenced Friday to 18 months in prison for his hacker works that crippled 48,000 computers in 2003.

Such a waste to lock up a person with networking skills like that ...If only he had used his head and decided to make money off of his deep seated emotional problems. Instrumental reasoning may sound cold, but it sure does get you further then jail.

Well, I gotta run.

Later

Partied ...Or did I??

2005-01-22T01:19:00.000+01:00

I've just got back from my friends sixteenth birthday party. It was well organized and it seemed as though everyone had a great time. I enjoyed it alot too. The party was divided in two rooms, one where the DJ and his puppet box(Cloud terms for dance floor) were stationed and the other where the bar was. You can guess where I spent most of the night. The bar room (or Ante-Room, it was a yacht club) was actually quite nice with cosy tables and a fire place to boot. While the rest of the party partied on in the party room (delibrate use of 'party') ... Manuela and I discussed life after death, Ghosts, Aliens and sex after marriage coming to very few conclusions ...except that were not very good at coming to conclusions...but then again ...who is?

I enjoyed it, I avoided the dance floor completly and instead had a good conversation and a few drinks. Despite the fact that we both recognized how boring we were both being, we both didnt want to do the 'fun' thing (that is dance...sorry had to clear that up just in case her boyfriend reads this) ...hmmmm ...one would think there was something wrong with that..

Anyway, most important thing was that the birthday girl, my great friend Natasha, DID have fun. So Im happy with the outcome.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that interesting, in depth analysis of my last party. But I guess I wouldnt have wrote it if it wasn't on my mind and whats on your mind weighs on your heart.

Later

The Sprint

2005-01-13T01:31:00.000+01:00

Well, I finally decided that its time to concentrate on my life a little more. Main challenge in right now is school, being so close to some of the most important exams in my life and all. I spent the night typing out notes, sorting out files and setting up my computer so that work can actually get done on it. (IE: deleted games).

I also decided I need a new mobile and an MP3 player (how else am I going to work in the library??). My band is now also short of a drummer, a bassist and a rythm guitarist which is just great (Though we have friends temporarily filling in those positions but its just until we record "Us"). My amp's functionailty dropped to about 30%, I had to throw away a lead, I chipped my PRS :'( and I need a new pedal. I wanted to focus alot on our music this year but now were really set back.

The weekend is coming up again. This Friday I'll be attending the Battle of the Bands at St.Aloysius college... I would have been playing in it had the other guitarist not backed out...Sigh...Next year I guess. But Im not sure what I'll be doing saturday. I meant to be sleeping over at a friends house (If the plan hasn't faded away) But I'm not really sure I want to go out at all...In keeping with what I said last weekend... Im sick of it.

Later

Change of Face

2005-01-09T21:46:00.000+01:00

Decided to change the template. I love black but that template was starting to depress me ...Besides, lively colors represent my normal diary entries more appropiatley ... heheh sure..

Time is so easy to waste

2005-01-09T18:53:00.000+01:00

Another weekend gone by, wasted? I suppose hanging around bars with friends weekend after weekend isnt exactly fruitful ... Yeah yeah I get to see my friends and stuff but I can think of better places and times to meet them in. Truth is, Im quite bored of the night life, I have been for quite awhile now, but it seems that thats the only social event taking place on the weekend ..going clubbing/partying whtever.

I've been quite emotionally tired recently too, drained. It must of been the holidays. At least school is starting tomorrow and Ill have something to wake up to every morning ..

...I need a new life..

Later

The Drugs Don't Work

2004-12-13T22:22:00.000+01:00

Havent done this in awhile. I was reading through some blogs and decided it was abt time to update mine.

Yesterday I had a friends 18th, brilliant party which included magician, belly dancer(complete with fire torchs), fireworks, open bar, finger food and brilliant Dj for completness' sake. I spent most of the night attached to the waist of one of my good friends ... this normally happens when im not feeling popular enough to entertain the crowd, but it was fun, spent some good time with some good friends. Ill post the photos as soon as I can.

As I got home I realized it was four in the morning and decided that stayin up a few more hours wouldnt have made a difference. So I lounged around in my living room and, feeling a little effusive, I decided to write some songs. Picture me, full ash tray, half empty bottle of vodka on side table and my acoustic guitar on my lap. I was born to live the life of a rockstar, the world just isnt ready for me yet. I wrote some stuff, threw it away and then I wrote some more. The thing with my songs is that I only like it if I like it, and I rarely like anything I have to say that comes from my heart and I have alot to say, well... everyone does anyway, I should know that. After throwing everything away, I decided to go to sleep and face the hangover I knew was comin.

New years eve is on the horizon and Ive armed myself with a ticket to Waterfront (supposedly a good party in Valletta, Malta's capital city for those of that don't know) . Last new years eve I went to a party which I left after half an hour with a friend. We entered the new year together in a road in the middle of nowhere in the pouring rain. Funny how some things turn out.

I just got bored of writing....Ill post the rest later..

Later

Stay Together For The Kids

2004-11-24T18:39:00.000+01:00

The past two days have been slightly more active for me, Now when I say that "I have been active" it normally means that I have been happy or at least, not sad, depressed or worried in anyway. When I work I am happy for the simple reason that I do not think about anything else besides what I am doing. When I start to think I am rarily in a good mood. The problem is I think alot. I think way to much. I can dwell on somthing for weeks and after dwelling on somthing else ill come back to it. This hardly makes sense or at least it does it just doesn't seem like a problem but when this excessive thinking constantly keeps you from doing things, such as joining in the conversation with the rest of your friends at the table your sitting at or from trying to study/work it can really, really bring you down.

Yesterday I was summoned to my dad's girlfriend's house to fix her computer. This happens alot to me since I am more 'sophisticated' computer wise then most people, I often get phone calls from my friends asking me to help them with some problem or other ...well at least I know what my next summer job is going to be. Anyway, while I was over there I got this really strange feeling, A feeling I hadn't had in a LONG time ...could it be...? was it because...? Did I really belive even for a minute that I was in a house with two people I can call my parents? I don't know, but I can describe the feeling. The footsteps, the conversations in the other rooms even the scent of other people ...I was in a HOUSEHOLD (Dictionary: A domestic unit consisting of the members of a family who live together along with nonrelatives such as servants.) If I shouted "Dad" I would hear my father walking towards my room, If I wanted to take a piss people would know im in the bathroom. It was all very strange to me and I still felt like an alien but at least I was a welcome alien.

Its already wednesday and the weekend is nigh, I can't wait for it, but the december tests are now on the horizon and heading toward mainland really fast ...Is it just my life or is there always somthing you need to worry about? Hopefully this coming saturday night I'll be at 'Living Room' (classy wine bar... I love drinking in style ;)) having a nice chat with friends (Leah...Ally...?) after celebrating my friends birthday with our annual pictionary game!! =D This is a ritual that has been goin on for the past 2-3 years and its freaking fun.

Thats all from me for now
Later

Picking Up The Cash From The Pieces

2004-11-22T18:48:00.000+01:00

Wow, and I thought Leahs' and Allys' blogs were just an empty hole on the internet they decided to fill up with the 'Problems men recklessly inflict on the female society' but apparently this is not an orignal idea or in fact a bad idea as Breakup Babe has proved by having her blog turned into a book! Hang in there guys, two years left. I'm not jeering anyone bdw(my site hit rate hasn't exactly been goin for gold)
Looks like I have a fan, a friend who actually printed out some of my posts, now that motivates me to continue for a few more posts. But what with Alaska out of the picture and not many mentionable people I can talk about ...I guess im just stuck with philosophy ...and who would make a book on that?

Later

Goodbye Alaska

2004-11-21T13:43:00.000+01:00

It was a pretty normal night last night, except for a few exceptional things. I was just coming out of a suffocating bar with Leah when I realized that she actually wasn't with me, I had lost her as usual. Before I could tap into the telephatic side of my brain to find out where she was I was pulled over to the side my somone. I stared at her, lost in recognition. "I thought I'd never see you again" she said with a smile. It was Alaska. After exchanging words for about 10 seconds she told me where she was goin and waited for my response which I could have supplied as:

A) "Oh, I was just on my way there too, wanna walk together?"
B) "Im actually headed to [insert cool club name here] wanna join me?"
C) "I'm sort of meant to stay with my friend tonite, But If you like im sure I can get away later..?"

Instead, the smart-witted lothario that I am, I chose secret option D
"So Ill see you around" I said with a smile an actor would have insulted me for.

I did it again....I completly pushed her over without wanting to, and without reason to.
She paused a second and then said goodbye and walked off with her friend ....way to go neil.

Confused at my stupidity and lost in my worry I sought comfort in Leah which I recieved as "Go Find her you idiot" But before I started my run for her I realized I had recieved an sms from my friend asking me where I was. I was now torn between running after alaska and meeting up with my friend. Now normally I would have thought "My friend will be there tomorrow", but somthing made me stop and think. After about 5 seconds of long thought (you can actually think quite ALOT in moments like these) I decided to go for Alaska. 2.5 Seconds into my sprint I bumped into my friend.....I was just NOT meant to meet her yet. So I gave into desitny and went for a drink with my friend. We had quite a good time actually, chatted alot, all nice and relaxed.

After walking my friend to her ride. I decided to head back into paceville to see who I might bump into. After wandering aimlessly for awhile I was once again stopped by Alaska. I found out that she had actually gone home and come back out(which means if I hadnt met my friend I would have been running around paceville for nothing), I also found out shes 14 and her last date was my good friend ...small world huh? We talked for a short while, but it was long enough for me to realize I dont really want her number ...not that shes a bad girl ...shes cute and seems to be pretty smart ...but I just...didnt want it. So I said goodbye and went for a walk by the sea afterwhich I went home.

Clouds Verve

2004-11-20T01:04:00.000+01:00

Don't Forget to check out Clouds Verve!

Over worked and Under rated

2004-11-19T08:07:00.000+01:00

8 Posts and all I get is two crappy comments from my friends...Leah and Ally (Love ya =P) Sigh, Oh well better nothing then insults I guess...or somthing like that. Tomorrow I have my usual guitar lesson where I'll get my butt kicked for not practicing what I was told to practice, its not my fault really I just never find the time anymore what with work and being sick all week.

I launched Clouds Verve today basically its where Ill put music, art work and stuff of my friends and myself. Also you can tune in there if you want to know whats up with my bands. 'Point blank' are about to record this decemeber and we're scheduled to participate in Battle of the Bands at St.Aloysius college in january, since its the most active, I consider it to be my current band. The other bands im in barely got off the ground yet.

Today while having my usual, peaceful cigarette or what I like to call my 'time-out smoke' outside the gate of my school, I noticed a small figure quickly move through the crowd, noticed merely as a passing breeze by those near him. It was the teacher I had for Systems of knowledge last year. A small, old man with large glasses and whisps of white hair, your typical sweet grandad. I remembered the way he used to talk about life in class, the way he managed to hold my attention for the full hour by talking about his lifes experiences, Leanardo Da Vinci, Michealangelo and the rest. But I specificly remembered the tone of his voice when he used to talk to us about life. It had that kind of "'watch out kids, its a big world out there and if your not careful so and so will happen to you". While this can be expected from most old senile men, he was far from senile. You could tell....this man actually cared about you. Why? I dont know, but he did and I feel he didnt get the full appreciation he deserved. Its a pity I realize this so late after, I never got the chance to really thank him for his wise words, for teaching me all he did.

I wonder how many "Thank you's" I forgot to say in my life.

Thank you for listening.
Gdnite.

The last before the next

2004-11-18T23:02:00.000+01:00

Ive been meaning to write this post all day, only I dont know what to write. I dont want to bore people with the details of my life but I just have to say somthing...if not only for the sake of my fans..

Ally liked my post, hopefully it made her reflect on how she's wasting her hate when it can be directed to more appropiate things but I guess we'll soon find out ..... I guess not....

Wouldn't it be so much easier to just NOT get involved with other people? (just check out Ally's page for an example of what im talkin about) I know this is practically impossible for most people because loving somone and being loved back is one of the best, most addictive feelings in the world but If we don't understand that WE as a PERSON exsist ALONE, that we have SINGLE lives that do need to be tended too, that we are loved(in the true sense of the word) by other people BECAUSE of the single life we live and the way we live it then we really have nothing else to fall back on. Before we are with somone we are alone.

This is all very strange coming from me, im a hopeless romantic. Im only thinking this way because im single and 'sober' ...but if given the oppurtunity im the first to wake up with a hangover (bdw, I'm not talkin abt alcohol.....just checking)

I've given it some more thought, really I have, And (I think) I'll just keep this blog about me and my friends, I mite create other blogs thou, one for the musician and one for the computer geek in me.

Tomorrow I'll be back in school for the first time in 3 days so I won't be posting as often, which is a good thing actually since I'll have more 'content' to put in my posts. Better go and face tomorrow morning now.

Goodnite

In case you were wondering...

2004-11-18T21:22:00.000+01:00

My names Neil

NEIL m
Usage: Irish, Scottish, English
Pronounced: NEE-ul
From the Gaelic name Niall, which is of disputed origin, meaning "champion" or "cloud".

..But a paper smile only lasts awhile then it fades away

2004-11-18T01:03:00.000+01:00

I'm always the last person to take a camera with me to an event, not cos' I don't appreciate photos but because I NEVER seem to remember to take a camera with me. Therefore Im always running after people asking for any memorable pics they might have stored on thier computer. Today, while on such a quest, I came across some very, very disturbing pictures, pictures of a past best kept forgotten, pictures where.... I had short hair.... *waits for 'Pyscho' music to fade away*'

This post is going to be dedicated to an ordeal thats been going on for far too long so unless your into soap opera just close your browser.....Ally, this ones for you...

Tonite, after viewing my blog and being inspired to write her own, Ally created a Blog.

But let me save you the trouble...

Basically she hates alot of things because alot of things are not goin well right now and have not been for the past 3 months so im told. So, naturally, the site is practically dedicated to the things she really hates right now but her posts cunningly lead up to the thing she hates the most ..kind of like an investigation whos only lead is a trail of blood running from New York to Japan with what I can only imagine ends in a dead ex boyfriend.

Now tell me, Does she look like the kind of girl who should be having these problems?? .................. Thought not.

The truth is...shit happens ....the solution is Move on. Crying about it will get you nowhere, Being angry about it won't change it and pitying yourself will just make you weaker.

These things only happen to people who can deal with them

All you have to do now is accept it....and wait for the emails im gonna get from guys who found this pic while searching for "education" websites

Hehehe,
Goodnite

Last time...I actually volunteered for this.

2004-11-17T16:39:00.000+01:00

Well, here I am again, sitting in front of my computer when I should really be sitting behind a teacher. I dont think a day can get more boring then this, staying home all day, desperately checking e-mail and msn messenger every 5 mins for any sign of social activity, to bored to work, to sick to be bored and miserable for being sick.

On the other hand, I did read ALOT of stuff on the internet, mainly news articles about things like online feuds between virtual people (Online Feuds a Big Headache)[I can see a new law department opening up here], new air speed record (X-43A Jet Breaks Air Speed Record) [to deliver destruction to other countries faster] and Solaris 10 for free ( Sun to Roll Out Free Solaris OS)[maybe MS hold on the computer world will drop a couple of points]. I also came across an interesting website thx to Leah, and im re-gaining my faith in America because of it. So I decided to forgive them on behalf of my country. Or at least...49% of them.

I will be back with more interesting news later I promise, just as soon as my fingers are warm enough to move across my keyboard and the swelling in my throat decreases and my oxygen intake returns to normal.

Bdw, Is it me or are RSS feeds starting to become really popular?? here is the feed for my site
Also: don't worry, Im STILL thinking of what interesting content I can put up here, Im pretty sure its going to be somthing about music though..

"Croak." He said with satisfaction.

2004-11-16T22:30:00.000+01:00

Obviously my computer studies project did not get accepted, Ill need a docters certificate to prove that I was sick yesterday which is a pretty good idea to weed out the students who needed an extra day to finish thier project... only I had actually finished my project...I just missed school. As usual, bringing unnecessary, unwanted troubles upon myself. Anyway, no worries...God has provided me with a solution in the form of a painful sickness. I wasnt feeling to well this afternoon so I slept for a couple of hours to wake up with a flaming sore throat.

Well, I've realized that....you can't seriously make a site about yourself only, you've got to have somthing people are actually interested in. So I've decided to turn this into a page where Ill place any interesting philosophical theories/concepts/ideas I read/think up, also Ill try and add some guitar stuff not sure what exactly though, and probably also some computer stuff. I think the philosophical stuff will be much more appreciated though. thats enough abt the stuff.

Since I'm a very argumentative person and I am also against the church, people seem to belive that I am an athiest, this is in fact not true at all. I do not belive in the Church for the simple reason that it is an organization run by Man. Period. Man has been evil/corrupt/greedy in the past and man will be this in the future too. I dont care what promises priests make in front of a cross that does not remove the fact that they will remain human for the rest of thier life. A good example of this would be the priests who molest altar boys (NB: this is NOT to say that ALL priests are perverts, merely to give an (albeit clear) example of wht i am trying to say)

The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, a national advocacy group for victims of sexual abuse by clergy, is getting 10 times as many calls and e-mails as usual. Many of those connections are from former altar boys, known in the Church as "knights of the altar."

Decades after serving their last mass, some of these boys-grown-to-men can never forget when their lives, their faith and their trust in all authority were altered forever. Some, the suicides, are past forgetting.

Anyways, My sister is one of the above mentioned people (no not a perverted priest). So in her 'cunning' attempt to save me from eternal damnation and get me to come to mass every sunday she 'secretly' slipped a document onto my computer entitled "Does God Exist?" knowing full well that I never leave any text tht has a title which ends in a question mark un-read. And So I 'Fell for the bait' and read it. It was actually very interesting and further strengthened my belief in God (Congrats Sis!). Anyways, Here it is.

========================================

Does God exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question.
“Did God create everything that exists?”
A student bravely replied, “Yes, he did!”
God created everything?” The professor asked.
“Yes sir”, the student replied.
The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil”.
The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?”

“Of course”, replied the professor.
The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?”
“What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question.
The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.”

The student continued, “Professor, does darkness exist?”
The professor responded, “Of course it does.”
The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.”

Finally the young man asked the professor, “Sir, does evil exist?”
Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is Just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”

The professor sat down.
The young man’s name --- Albert Einstein

========================================

Later.

Its a bitter sweet symphony....

2004-11-15T23:20:00.000+01:00

I sit here, lights off, with my mug of hot choclate in one hand, cigerette burning out in the ash tray..thinking to myself..."I am soooo fucking dramatic.." =)

But Lena got me thinking... "we learn to accept and appreciate what life deals out for you" we really do, dont we? I guess its cos' we dont have much choice at the end of the day. we either accept it or don't and are left behind in the ruse of the world.

An excerpt from an essay I wrote on the Stoics (A sub culture of the ancient greek civilization)

Pantheism (God Is Nature)
The Stoics were Pantheists and therefore nature was divine. Everything out there is Gods will. E.g.: If Malta doesn’t have mountains it’s because wanted it so, if the Pneuma (Providence/God) created earthquakes then they must b accepted. By accepting the blessings and destruction of nature, you are accepting Gods will, the mechanism of the world was cared for by the providence.

The Mentality of the Stoics was “We shouldn’t worry too much, its all in Gods hands...”

Happiness
The Stoics believed that we often tie our happiness to objects or persons and so (subconsciously) we don’t permit ourselves to be happy until we get what we want. Therefore, we have to accept ourselves and our situation and in this way we will be content...Happiness can be managed, it is something we can control ourselves.

Is this really the truth? If so then why aren't we all happy?

Its starting to rain now and its getting really late, I hate this part of the day, when you have to surrender to your bed which would be submitting yourself to the fact that tomorrow morning will come...it will be cold and harsh and you'll have to get out of bed to face school/work. I'll try and find somone to chat with and have some comfort in knowing that not everyone has givin in yet.

Goodnight

Alaska

2004-11-15T19:40:00.000+01:00

As I was walking to Paceville (Malta's main entertainment city for those of you who dont kno and its pronounced ...nevermind..) last friday, I was unceremoniously halted by a girl wielding a mobile phone at me and stating, very clearly, that 'Its quite pissing off when he doesnt message back!" unperturbed and slightly offended at the generality in which she spoke "you think guys dont get this kind of crap from girls? you thnk girls r the only victims?? dont give me tht bullshit!" I shot back.

Naturally, we began talking, we introduced ourselves but unfortunately the alcohol I had already had that night helped her name escape me.

So I codenamed her 'Alaska'

After walking into a club together (Mosquito) to meet our friends, I spotted my friends so I said goodbye and we parted ways. Then it hit me... why? why did I leave? I just connected with a complete stranger, spoke to her like I had known her for years and left without evening remembering her name. So, to the annoyed grunts of the upstream crowd, I ran back into the club but she was gone. Maybe one day she'll find this blog and rem me (I highly doubt it but its worth a shot I guess) or maybe one day I'll read this blog and think ...why? ...why did I leave?

Yo....Actually I dont normally greet ppl like tht ...

2004-11-15T18:10:00.000+01:00

Hey, after spending 25mins learning how to use the site, posting my profile, goin over it and stuff I ...spent 5 mins looking for the post button and now, without much further ado, I present to you my first utterances onto blogger.com.

Dont worry, im not really ranting, I just have a habit of saying things that are irrelevant but add more life to my words. As I type this I wonder how long I'll manage to keep this blog going, its my first, but whenever I try to keep a diary or somthing similair to iit doesnt last for more then a week....14 hours in fact...

Today was a very unproductive day, I started it by waking up and going back to sleep again after deciding that I dont feel well enough to go to school (only to go jogging at 11am and play guitar and computer games all day ....whilst feeling guilty abt not being in school). Dont get me wrong, I dont normally push off school like this, nor any resposibilites for that matter, its just that somtimes...you need a day OFF...you might need that day on a saturday or a sunday but for me that day was today.

After fixing the amp that Ann lent me (whos the vocalist in my band) , I jammed on it for awhile. its got great distortion but I wouldnt expect less from a yamaha neway. I played everything but the song Ann wants me to work on (which we are due to record begining of December). that kind of made me feel guilty...after she lent me her cousins amp and stuff but I guess any practice I gain is all directed towards being a better lead.

Suddenly ive run out of things to say... So I guess ill just continue ...ummm ...hoping tht my computer studies project wll be accepted tomorrow and chatting with my friends online.

Bdw, I couldn't help noticing tht there are quite a few maltese ppl who have blogs on this site, im surprised since its pretty hard to find maltese ppl newer on the internet (even though for a country as small as ours we have a high percentage of hardcore internet surfers and gamers)

Later.